KOSHER SCHMOSHER (Gottlieb Restaurant)

Fortunately, my parents never kept kosher. So growing up, I was allowed to indulge in things like cheeseburgers and baby back ribs.

But when I’d travel somewhere with my Jewish youth group or spend the summer at sleepaway camp, I had no choice but to keep kosher for the duration of the trip. As much as I tried, there was no smuggling lobster rolls.

Nobody likes sleepaway camp food, so maybe that tainted my idea of kosher meals, but I always found them rather bland, greasy, and sort of gross. My memory is of dry chicken or tasteless hot dogs with bottomless refills of bug juice. And I’ll never forget that the days we were served meat prevented me from going to the camp convenience store and indulging in an ice cream sandwich. They wouldn’t sell them on “meat” days because you can’t mix meat and dairy. Forget about bacon flavored ice cream.

There aren’t many kosher restaurants in the city, but I know that there are some out there that prepare their food well (not just in regards to the kosher rules), with a great balance of flavors and textures, all while being observed by a Rabbi. Check out my review of Taam Tov.

Unfortunately, Gottlieb Restaurant, in the very Hassidic community of Williamsburg, did absolutely nothing to dispel my preconceived notions of this holy style of eating. Gottlieb is run by Hassidic Jews, all wearing payos and the usual conservative black garb. Stepping inside this sanctuary was really amazing. While there were a handful of customers not wearing yarmulkes (there was even one woman!), most people seemed to know each other and it felt like this has been their tradition since they started Yeshiva school many years ago.

I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I think that had more to do with my own insecurities. Even though I was raised Jewish and I know both this food and the melody for the Birkat Hamazon (the blessings for after the meal) that has been laminated and included with every menu on the tables, I still felt very out of place. Which is so ironic since I have no problem walking into an authentic Chinese restaurant deep in the heart of Chinatown or a Jamaican bakery where I’m the only white face for miles. I think this was a bit awkward because it was actually closer to who I am but yet world’s apart. Anybody ever read The Chosen?

I found myself a table in the corner and studied the menu. I was amused by the inclusion of some Chinese influenced items. I thought the Jewish obsession with Chinese food was a stereotype and I certainly didn’t know it reached into the Hassidic community. But there it was: a pastrami egg roll.

As tempted as I was by that and the pastrami knish, I resisted and requested my usual corned beef/pastrami combo. I figured if I was still hungry and the spirit moved me, I could always do some more ordering.

And then came that sandwich. It looked limp and sad. The bread didn’t resemble any sort of rye that I’ve encountered thus far. This was akin to a wonder bread version of rye.

The meat was cold and tough and reminded me of something you would buy at a grocery deli – but worse than that. The corned beef had a layer of congealed gelatin-like fat hugging the meat. The pastrami looked overly processed. And together I couldn’t help but think of spam (although I could guarantee this didn’t have any pork in it).

I took a deep breath and bit into the thing. It was everything I had feared. The meat was dry and tough. It had a very salty flavor but nothing more. The pastrami fared a bit better than the corned beef because I could taste some seasoning. But I gave up and decided to save my calories.

This was really the first sandwich I chose not to finish. It actually grossed me out a bit. This is the pastrami and corned beef I’d expect to find in Middle America, surrounded by chain restaurants and a miniscule Jewish population. But this is New York City, for Moses’ sake!

I imagine Gottlieb fares better with more substantial kosher meals (they have all the usual suspects on the menu). I would hope at least. Because this place is a very neat piece of history and a unique experience. And the only deli I’m aware of in NY that caters specifically to the Hassidic community. And I hate to say it, but they can keep it for all I care

Is Gottlieb Restaurant the best corned beef/pastrami in NY? It saddens me that my lowest rating yet, 3 out of 10, has to go to this place. The sandwich was just awful and unappetizing, but the experience and restaurant deserve better food.