NAME THAT SANDWICH (Stage Deli)

SADLY, STAGE DELI IS NOW CLOSED.

I don’t understand why delicatessens are so celebrity obsessed.  It seems it’s a requirement to have a wall of celebrity photos hanging over you as you enjoy your corned beef and pastrami.  I guess famous people love delis.  Is that how they stay so skinny?

Stage Deli, which is down the street from the Carnegie Deli, has a gimmick.  Not only do they have a wall of photos, but they have named almost all their menu items after a celebrity.  At Carnegie, there is the Woody Allen, of course.  But at Stage Deli, you could eat a Hugh Jackman and your friend could be enjoying a Howard Stern.  But these seem like arbitrary celeb names.  I mean, why is the turkey, tongue, and corned beef combo called the Clint Eastwood? He’s not a very iconic New Yorker and when I think of Dirty Harry, I generally don’t think of tongue.

Upon examining the menu closer, I discovered Stage Deli allows you to order a half sandwich. This is the first place I’ve stumbled upon that allows you to walk away without heartburn or a doggie bag.  I was very impressed.  But my combo sandwich (the famous corned beef and pastrami) did not have a celebrity name attached. I wonder why that is.  Maybe nobody is big enough to represent this classic.  And Woody Allen was already taken at the Carnegie?

My eccentric waiter (who was wearing sunglasses the entire time) tried to suggest that it would be better for me to get a whole sandwich (maybe for his wallet, but not for my arteries). More on him in a minute. I resisted his pressuring and stuck to my hypothesis that a half sandwich would be more than enough.

Now I don’t expect exemplary service at an old school deli. In fact, I want my waiters to have that apathetic charm, but I still want what I ordered and to feel like I can enjoy myself. Well, I think this waiter and I got off on the wrong foot. I ordered a glass of water and he wanted to watch the soccer game at the bar.

When I got up and approached him, reminding him of my existence, he got yelled at by the owners who were sitting at another table, overseeing the lack of attention. I didn’t want to get the guy in trouble, but I did want my water. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

And then when I was not even half way done with my sandwich, I guess he had errands to run or something because he literally stood over me waiting for me to pay my bill. I eventually turned around and asked him if he was waiting for me to pay. He must have gotten flustered because he said “No, no.” But then followed it up with a hopeful, “Why? Do you want to?”

So service was pretty terrible.  It may have been the luck of the draw because I noticed other waiters smiling and being patient with their guests.  And I looked on with envy.

But the sandwich was surprisingly decent.  The half combo was more than enough.  Sure, I might have gotten a better deal ordering the whole sandwich, but I’m trying to keep my girlish figure during this cured meat adventure.

I found the pastrami to be a little greasy and stiff, but the corned beef was tender and delicious.  Not too fatty.  The rye bread had a nice flavor and held the sandwich together nicely.  The meat wasn’t as rich and tender as Carnegie’s but it was a good alternative and a much more manageable portion.

I left feeling like I didn’t overdo it and like I could conquer the rest of my day, unlike at my Carnegie Deli visit when I spent some time in a food coma after lunch.  And although Stage Deli’s pastrami was a bit flawed and the service abominable, this is a decent option.  And I guess if the celebrities like it, it’s good enough for me.  And who wouldn’t want to eat a Dolly Parton?

Is Stage Deli the best corned beef/pastrami in NY?  It wins points for offering less of a heart attack while still being flavorful, but loses points for terrible service and mediocre pastrami.  All that adds up to a 6 out of 10.